Under Re-Construction...

The Dole Scum Diaries would like to thank you for your support.
Having now found a job, I will like to once again, appropriately, name the blog in the following fashion...

The Corporate Whore Diaries

At the moment I have been a bit too busy or caught up with stuff to get down and update this. Hopefully I will find some time over the holidays and bring you a proper update into my life.

Once again, thank you all for reading and leaving messages and I hope you liked it and hope that I can keep you updated and entertained in the future.

Final Dole Scum Diaries entry.

I'VE GOT A JOB!!!!!!

Brilliant!!! Finally after all this time I have got a job. I will be starting on Monday and though I am really excited, I am as well incredibly nervous.

Surprise, surprise, it is not for the company that kept on dicking me about. Considering that I had my first phone interview with them about a month and a half ago... I still have not been made an offer. Though, I did get a call on Monday to check whether if I was still interested and that they were going to interview one more person on Wednesday and hopefully let me know this week. I thought about calling them as soon as I got the other offer, to let them know I was out of the race... but my wife (maliciously) suggested for me to wait for their call and then just drop them.

It is weird and exciting the fact that I will be working again!!! The maddest thing is that I can tell you now that apart from travelling this year, I had surgery late last year. This all comes down to the fact that in between surgery, work holidays and travelling, I have only worked for four full days and four half days since November 2nd 2005. Shocking, I know. I am a bit out of shape, but hopefully my enthusiasm will keep me going until I climatize to working again. Looking forward to the commuting once again. Fighting for enough space to read my book on the tube and falling asleep on the train on the way up.

Other than that, nothing much has happened. The last couple of days (including today) I have enjoyed of what I would like to call proper leisure. To give you an idea, this morning I stayed in bed for far too long. I really abused my overstay in bed this morning, so much so that when I eventually got up, I felt incredibly clumsy. Man it was nice. That will all be over, come Monday morning. I am going to be working in north London, so the commuting will be a bit of an extra trek this time around.

Of course I had great ideas and plans for my last days as a Dole Scum... very little has come to be of those plans. I had thought of having a deep vein thrombosis challenge and watch back to back the three extended versions of the Lord of the Rings. I think that seemed more daunting this morning when thinking about being bed ridden for twelve hours with only toilet breaks on each disc change. Think about it, it would have been an order and a half. However I have enjoyed lying in bed reading a nice book and watching some good white trash day time telly. I am indulging in the shows I forbade myself from watching whilst unemployed.

Avoiding Jeremy Kyle and the fact that they sold my local pub (and the fact that they don't open until the evening) has saved my liver and my giro from being cashed at the pub every lunch time. But I have watched Jeremy Kyle in the last couple of days and gloated on laughing at other people's misfortunes. For all our readers from foreign lands, Jeremy Kyle is a poor man's version (trying to be sophisticated) of Jerry Springer. The joys of idleness.

This entry is a small farewell and thank you to all the people that have read or come across this little place of mine. It is not a definitive good bye, you cannot get rid of me this easily. However for legal and moral reasons... the blog will undergo a big change come Monday. I can only leave that as a surprise and hope that you return. The most shocking thing, is the fact that my stories won't improve dramatically once I start working. I will have stories of other people more often, all of which I will not be able to use their real names or the name of my employers. But I hope that if I have managed to entertain you somehow, I can continue doing so in the near future.

So I wish you all the best and thank you for your support and your comments and hope that you return to this little place once it has been revamped. Thank you all and you will hear from me soon.

There are three episodes of the Dolecasts already available. Today and tomorrow I shall be recording the final episode of that series. Soon to continue the podcasting work under a new guise. Thank you and see you soon.

Dolecasts available.

Hello there. Hope you are well. Well, just a quick update on what's been happening.

The one job that I mentioned recently, with whom I've already had three phone interviews and two face to face interviews, seem to still be dicking me around. Had my second face to face interview with them on Tuesday, though they only confirmed the time on Monday at around 5 pm. They said that it would take a couple of days and I am still waiting, today being Friday.

Apart from that, today I had my review meeting as it is three months that I have been on the dole. God, it makes me feel soooooo dirty. So they just wanted to see that I have been actually looking for a job rather than sitting at home watching Trisha. Because every time I go to sign on I have to take proof of job applications and (if any) interviews, they knew I have been busy at it. The bloke was quite pleased that he wasn't going to ask me for any proof. I had to pull print outs out and interview confirmations. He was about to let me go, having taken my word for it. Seriously... and honestly.

Well, the main thing for this update is to share with all of you beautiful people the complimentary to the blog. Now close your eyes for a second and imagine some drum rolls... Tada!!! We have a Dolecast!!! Actually, I have recorded 2 Dolecasts now and will get the third one under way very soon.

This blog sets the standard for the Dolecasts but it has some things that have not been published here. If you want to and have the time I invite you to download them, listen to them and let me know what you think. They are a work in progress and slowly I am beginning to settle into it. I would like to believe that they are already improving, but you'd be the one to decide.

http://peyotitlan.jellycast.com/podcast/feed/2

If you listen to them, as I said, I would really appreciate any honest feedback and if you want to rate it on the Jellycast website, that'd be great. Well, without further ado... I am off.

Heather Mills interview and situation.

First of all we have to make things clear. We are not here to judge her or ridicule her, simply to highlight a couple of things.

This divorce has been on the press for so long that it is even difficult to remember when one first got sick of it. For me is very easy to be impartial as I can't stand either her or Sir Paul. Whether if she is or isn't a gold digger, is not within my interests and frankly I couldn't give a shit.

The funny thing is that she is British, lives in the UK... is hated in the UK. So to clean up her image and save face she gives a TV interview... in the US. It doesn't make any sense, but that seems to have been her choice. But here comes the main point for this entry, one thing she said in the interview:

'...I would rather someone come up and chop all my limbs off, than go through what I went through...'

Sorry love, REMAINING LIMBS...

Weekend round up.

The weekend was a mixed bag but great over all. So here is a recap from Friday.

On Friday I continued to be dicked around by the company that had previously interviewed me twice over the phone (1 hr each) and once in person (another hour there plus travelling). Today is three weeks to the day from my face to face interview. On Friday they called me again (another 45 minutes). To sum it all up, they called me to re-do (pretty much) my first phone interview. Brilliant isn't it? Went for now the fourth time over my CV and answered the same questions. The nice thing at the end of the chat was the bloke telling me 'Don't think we're messing you about, but... I still want to talk to a couple more people... and hopefully we'll get back to you on Monday to see if you can come for a face to face interview' Thank you for not dicking me around. The worst thing is that though, obviously, I am beginning to go off this company... if they were to offer the job, I would take it as I need it badly.

Friday night went to the pub with a mate and as it is a tradition now, some freak sat at our table and managed to shock us and make us laugh for hours afterwards. The bloke at first seemed nearly human but was quickly to address that misconception. Within minutes he shared with us some rather awkward and intimate details. About his divorce and how now he is 'with this really fit bird. She is gorgeous... and she's filthy. Seriously mate, she is absolute filth... I have pissed in her mouth' honestly, I am not lying here, his words not mine. Then he told me a 'SECRET' he learnt from the Navy and had to sign the National Secrets Act. Funnily enough I actually knew that piece of information and told him so. When he asked me how I knew about this, my reply was 'Can't tell you mate, it is a national secret...' He looked a bit pissed off.

He asked us if we lived near by. I told him that I lived in the next town and my mate told him that he live a couple of blocks away. This bloke lived a couple of block away too. And when my mate asked him where he lived, three times he answered 'I'm not fucking telling you...' in a matter of fact tone, that might have felt a bit awkward or intimidating by the third repetition.

Regarding sports, it was a bad weekend for myself in the UK. Both my football team Fulham FC and my rugby (union) club London Irish lost over the weekend. My football club in Mexico, Chivas won to my great relief.

Sunday was glorious. A few mates from Mexico that live in London came down for a late lunch. Not only was their company great, but they brought all the food and a few beers. That was splendid as the washing up I have to do today is minimal for that of entertaining guests. The food was delicious. A mate's brother (Poncho) made Tortas ahogadas. A typical dish from Guadalajara, see the photos attached. All I can say is that they were delicious and can't wait to have them again. They are basically a hard crust roll with pork (seared and then roasted with spices and honey) with some beans. Then you drench it with a tomato/herbs/spices sauce. Add some onions and then chili sauce to taste. They were nothing short from amazing. I will get the recipe and try and emulate such perfection.

Anyway, hope you had a great weekend too and I'll leave it here.

Personal update.

Greetings beautiful people. As you can see, I am still here and sadly I am still sponging off my previous contributions. Just a quick note to bring you up to date with the latest happenings and non-events I have faced in the last few days.

You all know about the fact that I am now a 'published writer'. I wrote and submitted a little piece for the well known Private Eye magazine, of political satire and critique fame. Ha, I submitted a stupidity that somebody had said and it got printed in the Colemansballs section. If you have the current issue, it is the very last one from the Fulham FC fitness manager. If you find it and read it, please do not publish my real identity as this I have managed successfully to keep it a secret, unlike Superman, Spiderman, Batman and the list goes on...

I still haven't heard anything back from the last interview that I had, nearly three weeks ago. Yesterday I finally got from the agency a 'They are keen on you, they just want to see a few more people'. Just as a friend of a girlfriend told me when I was 15, only just beginning to heal that one.

I did 4 hours of temporary work yesterday. Though it was just about half a day, having had run 4 miles shortly before I got the call, I found it all a bit tiring. The one good thing was that though there was an office full of call centre people, I was able to keep my head down and let my empty thoughts drown out the noise. It wasn't even necessary for me to get my MP3 player out. I have applied for a few more roles and checked today that the folder where I keep all the application receipts, contains over 200 messages. There you go, just for your peace of mind and to show you that I've not been scratching my balls and watching Jeremy Kyle all along.

It is so frustrating though. The funniest thing is that if I don't have an interview, I don't shave. So now it is getting all back to the respectable levels of a prepubescent beard. Thank you Genetics!!! It is mighty funny the following image. I need you to look closely at it and pay attention on the change of tones. I took this photo the other day when I got back from a run. I took it mainly because of the shape of the sweat patch on my chest. If I'd planned it, it would have not happened and I promise it was not tampered with. Leave a comment on the shape of it and what you think please.

I have been adding random photos to the entries as I believe it makes it more attractive and it takes some pressure off from the quality of my writing. Most of the photos are taken with my phone and that is why the quality on some of them is not amazing, but I'd like to share some of my favourites here with you all. Apart from all the mad nonsense from above I have done some cleaning in the flat. Having a mild OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and don't ever make me repeat that explanation) makes it great for cleaning. The bathroom not only experienced a cleaning, but more what I would call either 'Clinical' or 'Forensic' cleaning. Very nice indeed, but distressing as it was taking place. Today I am hoovering and doing the dishes. I bet you are all so jealous now.

Something else that I have been focusing my idle brain on is the 'Dolecasts'. I admit that I have only so far recorded the pilot episode. You have not hear it as I am very critical and think you all deserve something better. However, I have felt the recent pressure recently and I will record at least a couple more. I feel my unemployment status might be changing soon and I could not cheat you. I could never record a Dolecast if I wasn't a Dole Scum. When the impending change takes place, this will all go through a transformation that I have to keep under wraps until the time is right. Until then I hope you can continue joining me in my mental (imaginary, not as in disability) adventures.

I'm a celebrity?

After several meetings at ITV, they have agreed to rename their succesful reality TV show for next year.

The name will change from "I'm a celebrity get me out of here" to:

I once used to be on telly but not long enough for you to actually remember me and am only doing this to resucitate a more than stale or moribund career with no talent what so ever and having forgotten about my dignity and all self respect, GET ME OUT OF HERE... but not before I have been over exposed or early enough for me to stay at the luxury hotel until the end of the series as I have not had a good meal or a fixed abode since last time you saw me on television.

Pete Doherty, Arena special (BBC2 12/11/06)

WARNING: ALL THE COMMENTS MADE HERE ARE PERSONAL OPINIONS AND SOLELY BASED ON PERSONAL (MIS)JUDGEMENT.

Last night we were all treated to a documentary following, ex-Libertine, Pete Doherty.

Without much further ado, the documentary was exactly what I expected. It was a sad attempt to glorify a useless cunt. They bloke might have some talent, though I disagree with the level that has been accredited to him for the last three or four years. I remember the first time I read about the Libertines. They sounded like something fresh and back to the old skool of junkie rock and roll. Needless (or should it be needles) to say, in my opinion they could never live up to the NME hype.

They are not, or ever were, a band that would change music or your way of thinking. Forget even about glamourizing heroin, in my opinion they have only about three decent tracks and only one that I really like (Time for heroes). My main problem with Pete Doherty is NME and the news papers. Though, he argued on the documentary that he never reads the papers or is aware of how much coverage he gets, I doubt it.

He is a pretentious tosser that has bought into his own hype and regards himself as an artist who suffers for his art. He is not an artist, he is not a genious and all the suffering might come from all those times he has tried to go Cold turkey. The most amazing thing is how vacuous are the lives of some of his fans. I bet you that if he went to a male fan of his and offered to blow him so that he could get some smack, the male fan would be offended at Pete lowering himself and he in return would offer to blow him and buy him all the smack for one week.

The desperate faces and screams from the shows. I know what it is like to feel passionate about a band you are going to see. Maybe even have been nervous trying to approach them if I see them on the streets... But, fucking hell, the way his fans screamed and how their faces go all red and their eyes pop out, only reminded me of Chelsea, Arsenal and Man Utd fans, you do the maths.

The one talent that I would give him is that he is the first person I have seen on telly 'painting' with a needle (as in hypodermic) and his own blood off his tits on something. The only similar thing I can think of is when people 'painted' with their seed (aka spunk). The documentary was boring and it gave me as much an insight into what I already assumed. In a way I wanted to feel sorry for the rest of the band (Babyshambles) for what is going on. Maybe have one good show out of fifteen, maybe actually get to do a show... But I don't really feel sorry for them, as though they might be his mates, they are as well hangers on, basking on Doherty's attention and fame.

Something hilarious is when they showed clips of a show they played recently. The one where Kate Moss sang backing vocals in a couple of tracks. It was amazing to see that she can be as pathetic as Posh Spice (aka Victoria Beckham). There was something seriously desperate about the few glimpses that we got. This truly surprised me as I imagined her a strong character that was helping PD out of all this mess. She might be, but that didn't come across.

To sum all this up, the documentary was OK, sadly the subject proved to be less interesting that one might have hoped. And now my three scenarios concerning him have intensified my fears.

Number one, as sick as I am to hear and read about him (even if I avoid it) all the time. With NME having turned themselves into a Pete Doherty Heat or Celeb shite magazine journal. In cases like this you might wish the person to die. However in this case, I want him to stay alive. If the hype is as it is right now, if he died, no matter what they would try and turn him into a new Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin type of legend where it would be truly undeserving and disrespectful to the memory of Jimi and the lot.

Number two, god I wish he would die just to get him off the papers in fifteen years, though as mentioned above, his dead would make it far worse.

Number three, I'd be really pissed off if the following were to happen. Lets say that he manages to stay clean. Lets say that he get his act together and focuses all the shit the drove him to despair into a productively creative form. I fucking dread to think that one day he might actually release a seminal album that could change the music scene and the way we all think. The would be an ironic twist that would kick me in the nuts and laugh at my face.

Whatever happens with him, I know you'll be able to read about it every week in the NME. Just like you have been able to for the last three or four years. I am sick of him and so bored of waiting to hear something gifted coming from him. In my opinion he does not deserve the hype and he's not even funny to watch. Fuck him and may he live long.

Guest 500

If you are the 500th person to look at this blog, please leave a message and thank you very, very much.

Ha, ha...

My prayers have been answered!!!

I submitted the entry from the Fulham fitness manager to Private eye and they are publishing it. Because of that I am now the proud winner of the valuable sum of £10. I think that might be put forward to pay for the hosting of the dolecasts.

As soon as I get the prize money I will pay it and set up the link for all of you to get bored or offended.

Thanks for reading. Keep on reading. And hopefully you'll be listening to some drivel soon enough.

----- Original Message -----
From: "Strobes" <strobes@private-eye.co.uk>
To: "Peyotitlan"
Sent: Thursday, November 09, 2006 11:57 AM
Subject: RE: Coleman balls...

You have recently sent Private Eye a submission.
We have published your submission.

Please send your address for payment. 1171

Projects and status.

Greetings my beautiful and exclusive (not to insult you by calling you small) audience.

As you can see, not much has changed since I started this blog. Sadly I am still unemployed and that is not for lack of trying to stop it. I am still applying for as many jobs as I can and am still here. Recently I went to some temping (temporary work) agencies in my town. Turning up makes them take your details there and then, apart from that I don't think there is much change.

They are the estate agents of the employment world. They judge my skills even though I'd be more than happy to get paid just to stuff envelopes. Still, they eye you up and down making you feel like a dirty tart trying to gate crash a private function.

This morning I got up as early as usual, 6.30 though you might not believe me. Had breakfast with my wife before she went to work. Took a shower immediately after she left, just on the off chance that I got to go to work somewhere this morning...

I am still waiting for the call, however, I am showered now. That would have not taken place until near 11 after I'd come back from my run, but there you go. I have searched and applied for a couple of jobs and now decided to update you on all the latest gossip.

You see, I thought I would feel dirtier going to the temping agencies and being eyed up and down. However it didn't feel half as bad as signing on every other week. The problem to going to sign on is the fact that not only are you keeping tabs on your (un)success(ful) rate at getting a job. You have to as well show to somebody how many jobs you have failed to get, yet applied for.

I try and keep myself under some pressure so that I don't spend the morning 'flicking myself to Trisha' or down the pub. But fucking hell!!! I find it frustrating enough looking at the number of applications and the little response.

Hopefully I'll be temping and employment being a jealous mistress, will come hounding after me once I have something going on somewhere else. If not, as long as I can buy Christmas cards, a present for my wife and the ocassional pint, would keep me quiet. The funniest thing about the prospect of temping is that I will be working for a small company in a small town, in a small office; they will be more anal about me wearing a shirt and tie than many bigger companies in bigger cities would mind. All that for the pride of stuffing envelopes. See my desperation that now I find it funny rather than humiliating!?!?! I need an income and I need it now.

On a different note, I have been busy hitting the next blog button and viewing several other blogs. I have left comments on the ones that I like or agree. Some people reply to them and can compliment on my blog. Thank you all for visiting and thank you for leaving a comment. Though one that cracked me up as it was as honest and spot on is the following '...and seeing as you are no stranger to the "dirty and selfish" hunt for hits...'. He could have not been more right and me more embarrassed. He then proposed that we keep an eye on each other's blog and that I will do. I will continue looking at the others and believe me that I was honest in my comments.

All the blogs where I didn't leave a comment is perhaps because I would have been invited to be aggressive and rude and offensive and I don't really like doing that to strangers.

On the new projects. Well, well, well... as mentioned in a previous entry, this is an idea that Kate J had. I have begun trialing the world of podcasting. Ha, I know!?!?! I have recorded a pilot episode of the 'Dolecasts' and trying a few things there. I have to get used to listening to it and making it flow better. The funniest thing is that Kate's idea came because I was wasting too much of her time with the blog... ha, ha, ha. I am wasting every one's time, including my never ending supply of spare time.

So once it all gets to an acceptable level and I cough up with the £10 needed for the hosting, it will all be there for you to access. I will of course make a song and dance about it and set up a link here. The downloads will be free as I actually haven't got any money to pay you all to download it.

I'll leave it at that as it is already too long and I will have to add images hoping that you got to this bit. If you got all the way down here and the pictures still make no sense with the text... sorry.

Gotan Project live @ Brixton Academy 3 Nov

Gotan Project at Brixton academy 3 Nov 06. I would give it four four and a half out of five stars.

It was an amazing gig. You can see in the photos that they did the most of the stage and had a gigantic screen where they projected amazing visuals. They played a mix from their three albums.

They came on stage all dressed in white. Two violinists, one viola, one cello, one piano, an accordion, singer, guitarrist, DJ and the main guy on his laptop. It was fantastic. A good mix of up beat and mellow tracks with stunning images playing on the background that helped you lose yourself.

One of the personal highlights was when on the screen a gigantic MC walked behind the band and started MC'ing in Spanish. All this while the violins, viola, accordion and DJ are going crazy playing with all their might. The song dipped for a second, only for another MC to join on the screen and they start alternating at an amazing speed in the closest thing that it was intelligible Spanish.

They did two encores and on the second one an MC (made of flesh and blood) joined them on stage for the last track. They went on for another 10 or maybe 15 minutes with the MC working the crowd brilliantly whilst the band wore themselves down in a frantic Tango mele.

Brief update.

Greetings all. I had a fantastic birthday weekend and a great Saturday night. As usual, I didn't take any photos so it will all have to remain committed to a beery memory.

Sadly today I am feeling rather poorly. I do not want to go into details but it is not nice and I feel fairly ill.

Once I recover from this bug I shall update you on various different subjects that truly interest me. As well I have started taking steps into an illuminated suggestion from Kate J, thank you. All I can say is that I have downloaded the software and run one little test... and it worked!!!

So once I have a few spare minutes I shall draw up a list and then get working on that marvelous yet rather disturbing idea. I wish I could say fear not, but then I would be giving you all a false sense of hope and security. All I can suggest is for you to wait and sit tight and see in how many wonderful ways we can expand this little space.

Anyway, I am off now for what I hope will be a speedy recovery as I need to start temping this week and get on with the new little project. And I promise that the new project will not distract me from this. That is a threat that I promise I will honour.

More on Madonna's adoption...

This is about Madonna about adopting that kid. The fact that Madonna is adopted is still a media secret. So please don't go telling anyone. Anyway, it is about the adoption process she has found herself embroiled in. As she has not actually adopted the kid, yet she has still managed to get him out of Malawi and into the UK. As odd and suspicious it all has become.

Here is an extract from an article on NME.COM and it is hilarious...

...Madonna added that there were "many conditions" that made her "worry for his life"."One was the fact that, according to the reverend who ran the orphanage that David came from, his father never visited him," she told the BBC's Newsnight in an interview to be broadcast on November 1. "His father lived 50 or 60km away, had not car, had no money and, as far as I was told, had remarried and moved on with him life."...

It seems that no matter what, she'll get to keep the kid. So lets wish the best to the little man and hope that Madonna isn't the one to teach him how to speak English. Imagine the poor little boy coming up with such, incorrect, nonsense and with a bit of an american accent.

Dead air by Iain Banks

I have finally finished reading Dead air. It wasn't too much of a struggle, but it wasn't that much of an enjoyable ride either.

I am not saying that it is all bad, but I personally think it is far, far away from being back on the top of the pile. My first concern comes from the fact that it doesn't flow as nicely as some of his previous books. At moments I felt that he was competing with himself, with previous books, rather than let the story develop more naturally. It is like listening to a new album by Red hot chili peppers. It is trying to sound like its old self, completely ignoring that it is the same person writing the damn thing.

Sadly some of the best moments are 'arguments' or 'rants' that the main character is having about either terrorist attacks, the war on terror, Israel and all those 'controversial' issues. The problem I found was the fact is that an incredible number of people are very aware of the on going argument and most people that I know would agree with him. The problem is that it feels that it was written just to upset people. If I want to read those arguments I simply buy the news papers or read John Pilger.

One thing that seriously disappointed me was the fact that it is to some extent a love story. Nothing wrong with that but though some incidents add an edge to it, it still has a happy ending and it doesn't quite fit in. The grim feeling and scene we encounter on the penultimate chapter washes down by the time you read the second page of the last chapter. In essence is an Iain Banks book, but to me it felt more like a ghost writer filling in for him and going through a check list. Everything that one would expect to be there, is there, but it is rather vacuous.

It didn't help that a third into the book I had two potential images for the main character. One of them was Ricky Gervais and the other was Mr. Banks himself. You can't take it seriously after that. Even worse was when I reached the half way point. Mr. Gervais and Mr. Banks fused into one to become the main character. Their fusion resulted in none other than Rory McGrath. The rest is down hill.

Though one is redeemed by a glimpse of the straight-forwardness, simplicity and wit of the Iain Banks one has read and respects. This brief glimpse comes in the shape of chapter 10 'Location, location, location'. Though that chapter might not justify purchasing the book, nor dismissing it completely. I would advise you to have a cheeky look next time you are in a book shop.

Reading, listening, watching...

As you know that I have some time to spare throughout my day here is an update and reviews of the things that have helped me fill some of it...


Currently reading or finished recently:


(Read) This I believe by Carlos Fuentes (Essays): This is a collections of essays in various different subjects. He uses the alphabet and has an entry for each letter and his thoughts about it. I really love his writing and truly wish I had read this particular book in Spanish. Carlos Fuentes is a Mexican national treasure. I can only recommend him so highly and enjoy his books. They are a very good insight to Mexican life and culture and to the culture clash between Mexico and the USA (some of them). I would recommend The crystal frontier, The years with Laura Diaz and Old Gringo.

(Read) Archangel by Robert Harris (Fiction): This is a fantastic book that restored my faith in him. Fatherland was priceless and gripping, everything that Enigma wasn't. Archangel was read recently when I was mainly reading historical novels or historical/research books. I might not sound like the kind of person that indulges in this, but it is a damn good read. The pace of it and all those things I didn't really know about Stalin (will read more about him now). The best thing was the ending. Though it was obvious, the beautiful touch of stopping right there and then. You know what is going to happen... and then the screen goes black and the credits roll, if it were a movie, of course.

(Read) The dark tower (VI) by Stephen King (Fantasy): I have read all the previous one and I think I enjoyed as far as number V. The new one makes, in my own opinion, too many references to Tolkien. He mentions a few times about this being an epic so much so that I was put off by the pushyness of it all. I will read the last book of it, just like I watched the second Star Wars trilogy. Hoping that it can redeem itself and go back to the good thing that it was and it could be.

(Read) Broken Angels by Richard Morgan (Sci-fi): This is the second of a now trilogy (Altered carbon, Broken Angels and Woken furies). The first book is fantastic and it made me think, whilst reading it, that this could have been the new Bladerunner. The second book is brilliant but it is a slower read to begin with. Too much back history trying to explain things that are not relevant to the story, though they might build a better picture of that time and events, possibly for a long series. It is a good book and it is fast paced when it takes off the ground. Some brilliant concepts and spot on descriptions.

(Reading) Dead air by Iain Banks (Fiction): I have only just started this but it is shaping up. It reads OK but like most Iain Banks' fans I think that it is now trying to be controversial to keep up with himself rather than the story just developing in such way. The Wasp factory was as fantastic as it was twisted and gripping. That story was trying to break through throughout the whole book. Sadly most of his other books that I've read (of the fiction, not the Sci-fi ones) it feels that he is pushing a square peg of controversy in to the round hole of a lame story. To my opinion his best book by a mile is The Crow road which I would highly recommend every time.

Currently listening:

Many things, mainly podcasts and old albums.

Podcasts:

Ricky Gervais of course, but I am afraid I over played them and the laughter begun to run dry. I am taking a break from them at the moment, but they are brilliant. Three more to come in between now and the end of the year.

Adam and Joe. I am surprised at how few people remember them or now of them in the UK. They are very funny and they are all quite brief.

The Pub Landlord, Al Murray. This are mainly taken from a show he is doing on Virgin radio. He is brilliant at the simplicity of his humour and I've been cracking up all week listening to them. They have a meat raffle and people calling in to tell them about drunken injuries or their Sunday lunch food.

Music:

Mainly albums that I have bought over the years and not play often enough. Nick Cave and the bad seeds, Pink Floyd's back catalogue, Radiohead, Muse, Lee 'Scratch' Perry's Arkology and some Beethoven.

Watching:

Neighbours the ill fated and boring Australian soap opera that pretends to have one foot on reality.

Lead Balloon with Jack Dee. A sitcom that he has written that so far has left me hoping for more. He has apparently been signed and is currently writing a second series. Hopefully they will get rid of the american bloke that makes me angry and of the token 'awkward' character that runs the cafe.

Spooks. MI5 series from the BBC that has actually disappointed me. The previous four series were good over all and with a bit of an edge. Now they seem to have jumped in to the innuendo writing and shit acting bandwagon. One of the big mistakes? The leader of the unit shags the babysitter and tells her he is a spy because she threatens to call social services because he doesn't spend enough time with his kid. For fuck's sake.

And finally... That Mitchell and Webb look. A brilliant sketch show. Here is one of the highlights for you to enjoy too...

Odds and sods...

Basically here and now I will write all the little things that I have thought about and forgot to write in when they would have made sense. Some other things that have really no place but inside my head and need to get out and so on...

To begin with, it is mainly to do with me running. As you might have read of me going on about it, I like it, am proud of it and hopefully will help me lose weight. The funny thing about it is what happens after I run. Obviously I break sweat and some times rather profusely.
The mad thing about it is no just sweating or the normal smell of sweat. The thing that is driving me crazy is the fact that my fleece ends up smelling of lighter fluid (?!?!?!). It doesn't make sense in any possible way. I could understand if it smelt of garlic or anything that I have eaten the day before... and before you go any further, NO, I have not been drinking lighter fluid.
It is weird and troubling, hasn't kept me up all night, but it still makes me think about it more than I should. The day of the 10km run I actually had to light incense and open a window in order to air the flat. It didn't help that I hung the clothes to dry in the living room, mind you...

Next it will be the fact that I am so jealous - and desperate - about the fact that I hardly get any hits onto this thing. Especially if you look at a mate's blog. Of course, his is professional and actually interesting and relevant things get written on it. My desperation is such that the other day a girl in Lagos tried to start a chat (messenger style) and instead of my usual 'fuck off' I started chatting with her. All with the dirty and selfish purpose to give her the address of the blog and get her to look at it. Ha, ha. You can see the red dot on the map, on the western coast of Africa. If you are american and don't know quite where or what is Africa, try googling it and then come back.
Shame on me for chatting on line and not being interested on what she was wearing or doing or anything else. I even asked her to send it to some of her friends (?!?!?!?) in the futile hope that I will, like Prince Phillip, will become an icon or cult hero in some remote country. I am sure that there is some un-written law for chatting on-line with strangers. I am sure that you must try and reach the 'SEX' subject in the shortest possible time. I reduced myself to the level of fat, shy and socially challenged perverts... where will this end?

About those times where you'll do anything or absolutely nothing... for the simple reason that you are avoiding doing something. Confused? Like how many times do you pretend to be occupied not to do 'the washing up' other things you can't be arsed to do. This might mainly, or only, happen to you over the weekend. Watching Final Score so you don't hoover. Pop out for a cigarette not to hang the laundry. There are plenty of examples and am sure you are thinking of many more now. For me, in my current situation, is harder to avoid something. That is a good reason as it has kept the flat within some sort of order and cleanliness level. Thanks to that, the flat won't be closed down by a health inspector.

One of the other random things that come to mind and I haven't shared with you is the amazing thing of checking random blogs. You might have come across this one by accident or because you are fed up of me asking you to look at it.
Some of the blogs I have seen when hitting the 'next blog' button. You'd be surprised by the amount of either religious or right wing (or a mix of both) that you come across. Then you find a nice one and read a few things, never to see it again. Though one of my big rules is that if there is a photo of a child or a baby is to immediately skip to the next blog. There is something weird about it that I hate and cannot stay there.

And finally that things that haven't and might not make it here. One of them is an extensive list of all the people I want to spit on their graves. A bit controversial and I have been advised by my legal team and censors (my wife) not to publish such list. I would love it if we could all just write 20 people we would like to spit on their graves, doesn't matter if thy are still alive, don't worry.

Anyway. Hope you read this again some day and it would be cool to get your list. You never know, if I get a few lists I shall publish them all in an entry.

Up coming Birthday!!!

Stuff Guy Fawkes, he was a traitor anyway...

It is my birthday on the 4th and I would like you to join me to bid farewell to my 28th and embrace the last year of my 20s.

So if you are one of the very few people who reads this... you are welcome to drop by.

Stabbings are not welcome and being a bit optimistic I am hoping that only friendly people will turn up, ha, ha.

So the details are as follows:

Date: 04/11/06

Time: 19:00 hrs onwards (7pm)

Venue: The Project Orange (43 St. Johns Hill, Clapham, London, SW11 1TT )

Directions: From Clapham Junction Station. Come out, cross the road and turn right. Walk up for about 400yds, it is just past an offie and a fried chicken place.

Internet map: http://www.streetmap.co.uk/newmap.srf?x=527216&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;y=175351&z=0&ar=Y

Last week.

Well hope you are all well.

Just a quick update on last week. My mood seems to have improved as soon as I put an expiry date on my unemployed status. This decision came due to either getting annoyed at not having money to do anything or to being to embarrassed when asked what I was doing at the moment... Or may because some twat has been leaving comments on my posts with one of those scams of 'I am making $900 a week in my spare time by joining this website'. Believe me if I was so gullible and wanted to get into pyramid sales/schemes, I would join the church, it is the same, but people say that it makes you feel better.

I have had three phone interviews for which I am waiting for a response. The worst thing about phone interviews is that it is harder for you to tell when they cringe at your stupid reply. Things are OK and now I know/have decided that if nothing comes this way within the next couple of weeks I will be temping until something appropriate comes up.

You might have noticed the 10km signs on top... that might be because I have for the first time, attempted and succeeded to run 10km. And in the more than decent time of 1hr 10min. I have stuck to the running regime because I soooooo badly need to lose weight. The trick is actually working to some extent. I have begun to reduce on size but the weight is yet to start dropping. The whole process at the moment resembles that of peeling an onion. Slowly shedding layer after layer, though the crying comes at the beginning.

I first noticed the difference when I dressed up for an interview and my DD double chin seems to have reduced to an F cup. I could actually breath and put a finger in between the collar and my neck. Though there is a disadvantage to exercising... my kneecap felt as if it have been treated by the I.R.A. the next morning. I was pretty much bed ridden by Sunday. Though, fear not as I went for a short run today and nothing fell off.

Anyhow, I better go and have a sit down wallow in self pity and practice 'pain' faces for when my wife gets home.

Celebrity adoptions.

al‧tru‧ist  (al-troo-ist) -noun
a person unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others (opposed to egoist).

Might as well jump in the band wagon and share my thoughts in the ever present saga of celebrities adopting children from impoverished countries/backgrounds.

This I see not as an overwhelming desire from the celebrities to help people, not entirely at least. Though some good intentions must be somewhere, I see it more like a fashion and a grandiose self-pat on the back. It is a show about how benevolent they are and how much they care.

Sticking to current debate let me point out a couple of things about Madonna adopting a child. It is fine and soooooooo nice of her to be so kind. Something that she has really going for her and will definitely help her case is not only is she loaded but this is soooooooo important and close to her heart that she sent the babysitter to collect the child. She was probably too busy to go or it wasn't as safe as going the last time with an entire TV crew to record her generosity. Though this might be good as the kid will probably spend more time with her once the adoption goes through. They need to familiarise.

Below are a couple of exerts from articles and their links to what I think it is important to highlight:

• Malawi law requires would-be parents to live in the country for a year while social welfare officers investigate their ability to care for the child.
  
• Foreigners are not allowed to adopt children - but these rules appear to have been waived in Madonna's case.
  
• Source GMTV

The singer said she wanted to "open up our home and help ONE child escape an extreme life of hardship, poverty and in many cases death". Source BBC News

The bullet points are very straight forward and one can always overcome such obstacles with some cash or in this case, showing enough interest and good intention. However, the BBC one is more important to me. She specifically reduces the benefit to ONE child. With all the money already spent, the cost of the babysitter (who will actually spend most of the time with the child) and all the posh clothes... IN A LIFE TIME... couldn't that help to buy HIV suppressant drugs for the community where the little boy comes from?!?!?

Maybe that is just me being cynical. Maybe that is me not understanding their altruistic nature. The funniest thing is that I don't really see the kids growing up that aware of their origins or the troubles that plague their homelands. They might grow to be spoilt brats who will not rally for the same cause of their adoption.

It seems to me now that these kids have been reduced to fashion accessories. You will have to check for next season whether if Chinese is the new Black.

So damn Mia Farrow for so long ago starting this fashion. And remember the ending in the Farrow/Allen foreign baby adoption story...

Personal update.

Greetings.

After a couple of rants that have got me nowhere or make me feel better, I though I might do a proper journal entry.

The past week or two have been pretty much the same. That is the reason why I was forced into ranting and not sharing the exciting events in my life.

On the highlights of the last two weeks have been my wedding anniversary. For which I was so skint that all I could buy my wife was a book that I knew she wanted and then I baked some scones. That was as far as my budget could stretch. The scones turned out nicely, though I made them too thin and a bit big, so they were more like scone biscuits. They did taste like scones though.

I think in the last couple of weeks I have experience some sort of growth, mainly focused in the culinary areas. After the scones I have now ventured into soup making. This is a cheap way to make lunch for a week (4 days generally, being honest). The first week I was cautious and only made a humble bacon and lentil soup. I added my personal touch by adding a bit of garlic and a chili. This week I have made a Jerusalem artichoke curried soup (actually cauliflower as there was no artichoke).

On the job front it has been as frustrating as the recent past. So much so that I have now set myself a deadline and if I haven't got a job that I want by then, then I will take almost anything that can take me to the new year. This is simply facing reality but something that still seems to horrify me. I fear that I will be stuck in a shop or something like that wasting away my career and watching my skills die slowly of asphyxiation by the layers of dust that has begun accumulating over them. I do not want your sympathy or your money, I want a good job.

Though on a lighter note... I have another interview tomorrow (18/10/06) and calls from agencies have picked up considerably in the last few days. Probably all the agencies are trying to make as much money now as this is their last chance for good contracts or permanent positions this side of Christmas. I am just hoping that they can help me find something soon enough, if only to wing it until the new year. I don't want a Dickensian Christmas, I don't want to be the tiny Tim that has to be put down before boxing day...

Weetabix Week.

Greetings. For all those of you that are sick of the Weetabix week adverts please join me.

For those that don't know what Weetabix is... it is basically Chipboard biscuits. It is a cereal that tastes and looks just like chipboard.

Recently they have been advertising and promoting what they call the 'Weetabix Week'. This is trying to get people to eat Weetabix every morning for a week in as many permutations you can come up with.

What really gets on my tits is the fact that they have this pretend families, yet none of them disfunctional enough to be real. With cute little speccy kids with some sort of speech impediment. Such speech impediment is never attributed to the product grating through their tongue's and throats ripping their souls and vocal chords throughout consumption.

I personally hate Weetabix, in case you couldn't tell, but I have been instructed in what is the best way to eat it. Hot milk and sugar so it goes all mushy. Yet all the adverts have it with yogurt, fruit etc. In my eyes that is like telling you to eat a rock or a turd covered in custard, that'll make it alright...

If they were to show real families, why not (just for a laugh), show one of those fucked up families that are always at the supermarket when you do your groceries shopping. Don't pretend you haven't noticed them or cringed when they come near you. Sidetracking a little bit here... you shop there at the same time. Are you as disfunctional and grotesque as they are? Ask yourself that.

They should show the freak having them with pasta sauce, in a tofu stir fry, with salt and vinegar and so on...

There is as much point to this entry as there is to the adverts. They do not say like most other cereals that you will lose weight or anything other than you'll be eating Weetabix in various different and wacky ways.

Go on, be adventurous... I dare you.

David Cameron?

From the Fulham FC Website...

This is an extract from the fitness coach of Fulham FC. This is as relevant as the rest of the entries here so fear not.
As some of you might know, or have just found out, I am a Fulham supporter. Enough about me, lets get down to the point of it.
This morning I read an interview with the fitness coach for the team. They've got this bloke from Australia that used to do fitness coaching in rugby. The reason why I am making this entry is because of a comment he made that actually puzzled me:

The players as a whole have lost weight and got stronger and more powerful. Many of them have developed muscles on parts of their bodies that they’ve never had.



Would that be the extra arm we have seen the captain concealing inside his shirt? If only our goalie could grow an awkward forearm and hand on the top of his head. Or our strikers grow not only an extra leg, but an extra musclar leg to see if they can score more goals. What the hell is he talking about?
I am aware that I write a load of shite every time and that none of it is taken seriously, I hope. But this guy is trying, or at least hoping, to be taken seriously.

Anyway, if I come up or across with anything else that has wsated my time, I will report it here.

Advertising and television.

As a lot of you have hinted or thought about... I am reaching the point where I watch a bit of telly throughout the day. I avoid watching daytime television, trying to keep it down to lunch time only. OK, maybe an extended lunch, but believe me my options are limited.

One thing that has been making me incredibly angry recently is advertising. I mean, the people who come up with advertising ideas, not only do they lack a soul, but they think we are incredibly stupid. Stupid the people that paid for the 'Halifax' adverts that always rip off a track that it is at least three years old.
In the words of Bill Hicks 'They suck the devil's cock' they are 'Satan's spawn'. I personally, not only agree with it, but would like to extend it to the fact that they are the bastard children of nonces, dentists and estate agents. Not only that, but they are a bunch of smug bastards responsible for a quarter of the shit that hits our screens. I know that I am not forced to watch it, but believe me, I know it is awkward to be in a room with someone that makes you turn the volume down when the ads are on.

There is a show that I don't really know why I watch. I know that when I reveal it, you will secretly ask yourself that awkward question... why the fuck do I watch Hollyoaks. It is shocking. I have been here so long that I remember when it was believable!!! That came to an end when the script writers decided on having a bit of 'vigilante' fun and some characters tried to 'get rid' of a drug dealer. Then reality went out with a bang. The explosions begun and the 'late night specials' joined them. The late night specials were there to feed the lust of plenty a parent and pre-teen kids. There wasn't even a cheeky nipple showing to make it worth while. Then, their approach to tackling 'real' issues. People hinting about 'doing it', 'getting some action later' and many cliches avoiding to say the word SEX.

The character consistency is that of a snot. No consistency whatsoever. Mercurial characters that change from one scene to another. The stupid becomes cool, the cool becomes a bully and a loser and at moments it seems that they are all reading the wrong lines, picking the dialogue at random, only making sure to cover the necessary dialogue never minding who was actually supposed to deliver it.

In a nutshell. Hollyoaks with all it shit shallow acting, young pretty girls in skimpy outfits with an equal amount of brains as clothes, surreal situations and a plot and story so full of holes... be honest with yourself, if that is what you look for in a show or video you are fooling yourself there as you'd really rather be watching some good old school porn.

Bush's next war.

After the tragic incidents in the last fortnight, where the US saw themselves fall victims to three people with handguns walking into schools and killing innocent people; US President George W. Bush called for a press conference.

In the press conference he sent his deepest sympathies to the families of the victims. Bravely as well he promised that his government would be tough and tackle the problem. After several meetings with the Pentagon and the Homeland Security departments they have announced their strategy.

The US is to launch preemptive strikes on all the fire arms that are killing 'Innocent Americans'. This attacks will also go after all the people that are harbouring these weapons in the heart of the nation. Once securing safety in the homeland, they will go after the weapons that are killing innocent Americans abroad. This will serve as a warning to all those weapons that have killed their citizens abroad in the so called friendly fire. 'No home will be safe until we destroy those weapons and the cowards who harbour them...'

The tragic roundabout...

Still looking for a job and still getting bored and today I got a call from a job I didn't get. I would have been out of my depth and I was aware of that, but it is still not great. I don't think we ever get used to rejection, at least we shouldn't.

Changing the angle of looking at the present situation, I can only be reminded of Icarus. Running around in a maze trying to find the exit. Putting together the wings to fly out of it. Only for them to melt when I was getting close to it... all to fall back to reality and the consequences of unemployment.

'The Outsiders' best TV show ever...

I know this comes as a bold statement, but believe me I have seen the light.

This show was surprisingly on ITV1 last night (03/10/06). The show was a 'one-of' one and a half hours short. The Outsiders.
Whoever wrote this is someone reaching for all the people who are sick of Da Vinci's code, Mission Impossible and the millions of action movies out there.
The whole thing goes for one and a half hours taking the piss out of every imaginable action sequence and cliches from the spy world. Amazingly they managed to tackle 99% of the cliches within the first half hour. They manage all this by simply mocking the Da Vinci's code and then the running scene of the Bourne supremacy.

The show is so rich in comedy and satirical values that I feel it will become an instant classic. Though the director didn't show the experience or courage of Robert Rodriguez, he still had a go at completely unrealistic 'stunts' and shit special effects.

The little touches are what made it so good. The 'HEAD' of the intelligence group looks like a shaved Sir Alan Sugar. If that is not good enough for you to laugh then wait for the scene where TWO NINJAS are waiting for him in his flat. The ninjas shouldn't be taken lightly as they were sent by the Vatican. Which we all know that apart from eradicating races during the crusades and the inquisition they strengthened themselves. During the Pope's tour of Asia they imprisoned the top ninjas after a struggle in a bar involving some Swiss guard squadies... Lets not stray from the main point...

The bullet points of the satirical genius of Andy Goddard the writer and director of the show:

• Vatican ninjas
• Scenes inside a castle... showing bare red brick walls.
• The fat lawyer asks Are you going to finish that in a restaurant.
• Sir Alan Sugar managed to take control of a whole town just to get this twat to do one more job.
• The reminder that No one quits.
• After a couple of punches on the face, the hero starts hallucinating his estranged daughter.
• And that all the sets seemed to have been improvised and filmed inside a council flat.

In brief it is the funniest show I have seen in a while. The only thing that was lacking were the 'BOING' special effects, but then, that might have been pushing it. The beeb should be worried as they think about Little Miss Jocelyn and I'm with stupid compared to this show. It is so good that it can't be real. All I need is for someone to try and rubbish it by telling me it was a serious action/adventure drama.